Hilarious Lawyer jokes

Lance, the lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?

Vinnie, the witness: Not yet.

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Lance, the lawyer: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

Vinnie, the witness: The victim lived.

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Lance, the lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Vinnie, the witness
: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

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Lance, the lawyer: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?

Vinnie, the witness: He didn’t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture.

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